Monday, November 24, 2014

Oh My God, Am I Here All Alone? (Bob Dylan - Ballad of a Thin Man)



Last week, while a small group of Jews in the Har Nof section of Jerusalem were conducting their weekday morning prayers, two Palestinian attacked them and four Rabbis were murdered. An Israeli policemen was killed as the Police tried to capture the terrorists. Many were wounded and the scenes of blood upon the floor, upon the table where people prayed, upon the prayer books and prayer shawls reminded me of scenes from pogroms of 19th and 20th century Europe. Our children heard about it in school and we all watched the news that afternoon and evening.  As difficult as it was to see the destruction and blood in the Har Nof synagogue; it was even more difficult to watch scenes of Palestinians celebrating the attack and dancing in the streets.  Our kids were horrified and disgusted. I told them that the last time I saw that was on 9/11 when Palestinians danced in the streets and celebrated the destruction of the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and thousands of people dying.  As we continued to watch the news; I became more dismayed with the response from the President whom I have now voted for twice. Yes he said what he was supposed to say; he urged calm and condemned the attacks. Yet as a Jew, I felt alone. It was the same feeling I had started to have when the 9/11 attacks happened.  Then, as an American I felt alone as I watched Palestinians celebrate. Then Israel, and Israel’s leadership said that she understood, that America was not alone, that Israel and Israelis understand what is it is to suffer from a terrorist attack and watch as people celebrate. Surely, the President, or some White House spokesman could have offered a more empathetic statement and told Israel that she is not alone; that America understand what is like to suffer from a terrorist attack and watch Palestinians celebrate. However no such empathetic statement was made. As a Jew, as someone who loves Israel, I felt alone. It seemed that Israel truly stands alone.
This week we read from Parsha VaYeitze. This week we read from Parshat VaYeitze. The focus of the narrative is upon Yaakov. For the first time, Yaakov will find out what it means to be alone in the world.  He has left his mother, Rivkah, and his father Yitzchak, for the first time. In fleeing his brother Esav, Yaakov now embarks on a new phase of his life. For the first time, but certainly not the last time, he will have to face being alone. Yes, Yaakov will meet his future wives, his cousins Leah and Rachel. He will work for his father in- law, Lavan, and he will have children. The narrative will focus upon Yaakov life from young adulthood to becoming a responsible father, earning a living and all the trials, tribulation, and tensions of career and family. As Yaakov makes his way in life, hopefully he will learn more about himself. With each event, with each adventure, Yaakov has an opportunity to become better connected, better connected to himself, and better connected to a covenant that his father bequeathed to him. Yet throughout the narrative he will have to understand what it means to truly be alone. At the beginning of the narrative he feels alone. By the end of the narrative, he has formed a key relationship and as a result, will never feel alone or abandoned again.
Yaakov acknowledges his loneliness at the beginning of the Parsha. He doesn’t even feel connected to God. First God speaks to Yaakov in the dream: Ani Adoshem Elohei Avraham Avicha, V’Elohei Yitzchak HaAretz Asher Atah Shocheiv Aleha Lecha Etnenah U’LeZarechaI am Hashem, God of Abraham your father and God of Isaac; the ground upon which you are lying, to you will I give it and to your descendants (28:13). In the dream, God offers Yaakov protection wherever Yaakov goes. In a sense God volunteers to be Yaakov’s God as well.  When Yaakov wakes up from the dream he still does not feel reassured: Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Bet Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim.  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God.  Im Yiheyeh Elohim Imadi Ushmarani Baderech Hazeh Asher Anochi Holech v’Natan Li Lechem L’echol Uveged Lilbosh, vShavti b’Shalom el Bet Avi v’Hayah Hashem Li Le’lohim.  If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and clothes to wear, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then shall the Lord be my God.   For Yaakov, being alone is a function of not have what to eat, what to wear and mostly; being alone is feeling exiled from his parents.  After nearly twenty years, as Yaakov has matured, is married, has children, and property, he wonders if it is time to leave Lavan and his exile.  VaYomer Adoshem el Yaakov Shuv el Eretz Avotecha Ulmoladtecha V’Eheyeh ImachAnd Hashem said to Yaakov: “Return to the land of your fathers and to your native land, and I will be with you (31:3). It took nearly two decades for Yaakov to understand that even when he thought he was alone, he wasn’t truly alone. The miracles of his life, his wives, his children, his economic success indicated that God was involved and his God as well as Yaakov’s father’s God.
Yes, it may seem that Israel stands alone. Even when Palestinians dance at other terrorist attacks and those countries fail to offer empathy to Israel when Palestinians dance and celebrate terrorist attacks upon Israel; Israel is not alone. As Palestinians continue to dance and celebrate the loss of life in Israel and in other countries, the world will eventually see which country, which people are the embodiment of B’nai Yaakov, the children of Jacob, and which people are the embodiment of B’nai Esav, and B’nai Lavan, the children of Esau and the children of Lavan.

Peace,
           Rav Yitz

Monday, November 17, 2014

I Thought I Heard a Baby Cry This Morning (Bonnie Dobson - "Morning Dew")



To the untrained ear, a crying baby, or a crying child is just that, a crying baby or a crying child.  However every parent knows that babies have different cries for when they are hungry, wet, scared, or don’t feel like being alone.  Every parent knows that older kids have different cries for when they are experiencing acute physical pain, frustration, or sadness. For parents, our ability to decipher the various types of cries of our children goes a long way in being able to zero in on the problem and stop the crying. I can tell when our eldest daughter feels overwhelmed with work and she begins to cry or when our high school age daughter feels hurt by her girlfriends for some perceived social inadequacy.  We can tell from the cry of our son when he is physically or when he can’t get his way. We can tell the difference in our twelve year old daughter’s cry when she feels guilty about something and when she misses a camp friend.  
This week, we read from Parsha is Toldot. We read of the birth of Esav and Yaakov. Even though they were twins, we learn that these boys couldn’t be any more different. Esav is a hunter Ish Sadeh – a man of the field, an outdoorsman, Yaakov is Ish Tam v’Yashav b’Ohalo – a simple man who resides in his tent. Yaakov is concerned with the Birthright, receiving blessings and the spiritual world. Esav is concerned with eating, drinking, hunting and the physical world. We learn that just like his father, Avraham, who experienced a famine in the land, Yitzchak also experienced a famine in the land. Unlike his father, Yitzchak does not go down to Egypt. Yitzchak remains in the land, grows wealthy, and re-opens the wells that had gone dry in his father’s day. The narrative then re-focuses upon Yitzchak and his family. Yitzchak, sensing his imminent death, wants to bless Esav. Rivka overhears this and tells Yaakov to pose as Esav in order to receive the blessing. Yaakov listens to his mother, and dresses as Esav. Yaakov receives Yitzchak’s blessing. As a result, Esav is fit to be tied and threatens to kill Yaakov. The Parsha concludes with Rivka telling Jacob to go to her brother’s home, convincing Yitzchak that Yaakov needs to leave home in order to find a wife. Yaakov receives his fathers’ blessing, the blessing of the Brit, the Covenant that God made with Avraham and Yitzchak, a blessing that was never intended for Esav.  Yaakov leaves home and Esav moves away as well. He decides to dwell with his uncle Ishmael among the Canaanites.
The irony of the narrative, is that Yaakov never changes. Although his is described as Ish Tam – a simple man, Yaakov is hardly simple. He convinces his brother to sell him the birthright. Although Yaakov hesitates when he hears his mother’s plan to disguise himself as Esav in order to steal that particular blessing, once he is told that he will be absolved of any wrongdoing, Yaakov goes along. Even when fleeing for his life, Yaakov makes time to get one more blessing from his father. Esav on the other hand is Ish Sadeh, a man of the field, a hunter, a physically oriented person. Yes he sells his birthright to his brother because he is “starving to death”.  He marries the wrong girl from the wrong tribe which upsets his parents. However he fulfills his father’s request in order to receive his blessing. When he doesn’t receive the blessing: KiShma Esav et Divrei Aviv Yitzchak Tzaaka Gedola U’Mara Ad M’Ode; VaYomer L’Aviv Barcheini Gam Ani Avi When Esav heard his father’s words, he cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me to my Father” (27:34). Four verses later, when it appears that Yitzchak doesn’t have a blessing in reserve for Esav: VaYomer Esav El Aviv HaBracha Achat Hee Lecha Avi, Barcheini Gam Ani Avi VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivkEsav said to his father, “have you but one blessing, my Father? Bless me too my father!” and Esav raised his voice and wept (27:38).  After this big strong strapping sort of man finished crying he then vowed to kill his brother.  For a moment at least, Esav appears sympathetic, his cry is “exceedingly great”; he “raises his voice and weeps”.  What did these cries sound like? After all, not all cries sound the same. Was it the type of cry when one has suffered a sudden loss? Was it the cry of someone who just broke a bone? Was it the cry upon hearing the news of a loved one? Was it the cry of being at the end of one’s emotional rope and feeling helpless in the face of life’s onslaught? The Meforshim (the commentators) are oddly silent about the nature of the “Tzaak Gedola UMara- the great and bitter cry. Perhaps the silence suggests that Esav’s response is legitimately reasonable. Maybe the silence suggests that Esav’s crying is so out of character from the way he has behaved up until this point and how he acts after the second cry. Regarding the VaYisah Eisav Kolo VaYeivk Esav raised his voice and wept;” the Midrash Tanchuma comments that Esav wept only three tears. One from each eye and one that disappeared in the midst of his eye. When God saw that the “wicked one wept over his life only 3 tears”, that small limited moment demonstrated the smallest of regret over the what his life had become and might very well be in the future. For this tiny moment, for this humane cry, God made sure that Esav received a blessing. Maybe not the one that Yaakov received, but this minimal blessing reflects the minimal nature of the crying, weeping.
Pain, anguish, tears, and crying can happen to the strongest and the weakest, the passive and the aggressive, the victim and the perpetrator, the good guy and the bad guy, the most sensitive and the most callous. Obviously we need to be able to decipher the nature of each cry and of each tear in order to treat it appropriately.  Even an Esav can cry and weep; we just have to be able to determine which is the most appropriate and human response.
Peace,
                Rav Yitz

Monday, November 10, 2014

I Say That The Women Today Are Smarter Than The Men In Every ( Norm Span-"The Women are Smarter")



           As a father of three daughters, I have always been conscious of positive role models for my daughters. Certainly their mom is a positive role model as are the other adult women in our families. Frequently we will watch female athletes on television.  We don’t limit their watching female athletes to the stereotypical female sports such as figure skating and gymnastics. Quite often we will watch the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association), women’s golf, and women’s soccer. If the United States Supreme court happens to be in the news, we make sure that our daughters are aware of the Supreme Court Justices who are women. The fact that women won recent elections in the United States has also demonstrated to our daughters that women are just as capable of governing as men. However the other day, our eldest daughter was on the national news for her work during the recent elections in the United States. Our younger daughters saw this and were awe struck. It might have been one of the most special feelings I have ever had as a father. Our daughter was a positive role model for her younger sisters. Besides being proud, both her mother and I felt as if we had actually done something right in terms of raising h. Our younger daughters could finally appreciate the way that they are being raised because they see the finished product in their oldest sister.

            This week's Parsha is Chayei Sarah. The Parsha begins with the recounting the years of Sarah's life, Avraham's mourning for his wife, purchasing the land for Sarah's burial and then burying her. Avraham then tells his servant that he does not want his son, Yitzchak, marrying a Canaanite woman. Instead, the servant must return to Avraham's hometown and look for a woman from Avraham's family/ tribe. Avraham explains that the girl that returns with the servant is the right girl. Armed with treasures, camels and plenty of wealth for a dowry the servant sets off and decides that the best place to find a girl is by the local well. There the servant decides that the "right" girl is the girl who would offer him water, as well as offer water to his camels. Sure enough, Rebecca arrives at the well and fulfills the servant's standard. The servant returns with Rebecca to her family, convinces the family to let her go, and Rebecca is asked if she wants to return with the servant. Rebecca unhesitatingly responds with a yes. Now Rebecca has fulfilled the servant's requirement as well as Avraham's requirement. Upon her arrival at her new home, she sees her betrothed, and, not knowing who he was, asked the servant. The servant told her and she covered herself. Rebecca and Yitzchak are married. The Parsha concludes with Yitzchak and Ishmael burying their father, and the genealogy of Ishmael's family.

            Rivkah embodied this notion of life and legacy. These qualities are inherent to her character, as is evident in her name as well as in two subtle but strong actions. First, Rivkah offered water, a symbol of both life and Torah, to Eliezer. Then she offered water to Eliezer’s camels thereby demonstrating her menschlekite. Rivkah also possessed the ability to sustain life. She sustained Eliezer’s life by allowing him to accomplish his mission and return to Avraham with a wife for Yitzchak. Second, she sustained her own life by having the wherewithal and the strength to leave her family, a family which our sages suggest were cutthroats and cheats (Genesis Rabbah 63:4), and join a family that had received a covenant from God.

           Rivkah’s name is indicative of her character. She possesses an inherent ability to join seemingly disparate events or ideas such as life and death and make meaning from it. The Hebrew root of her name (RVK) means “join”, or “yoked together”, e.g. two oxen are joined together to pull a plow. The team must be of equal strength or the plow won’t go straight. Therefore Rivkah must be equally as strong and independent as her future husband Yitzchak. Rivkah must be strong enough to take the memory and legacy of Sarah and make it her own. This requires a very strong sense of self.             

            Rivkah also fills the spiritual vacuum, created by Sarah’s death, and this family’s future spiritual holiness. “And Yitzchak brought her into the tent of his mother; he married Rivkah, she became his wife, and he loved her; and thus was Yitzchak consoled after his mother.” (Gen 24:67)  The Rabbis explain that while Sarah lived a cloud of glory hung over her tent, her tent was known for hospitality, and a lamp remained alit from Shabbat to Shabbat. When Sarah died all these qualities died with her. However, when Rivkah was brought into the tent of his mother, all these qualities returned (Genesis Rabbah 60:16). In a sense, her soul and her mother in law’s soul, Sarah (whom she never met) joined souls and returned Sarah’s tent to the spiritual status it once knew.  Besides perpetuating life, she perpetuated the spiritual holiness necessary for joining Yitzchak in God’s covenant. Only Rivkah was able to fill the powerful memory of Sarah and still prevent herself from being overwhelmed by such a memory. Only Rivkah was able to join the generation of Avraham and Sarah with the next generation.

           Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to bridge the previous generations to the future generations. Rivkah’s character offers us a model in our struggle to join with our partners in equal respectful relationships without submerging our own identity. Rivkah’s character offers us a model as in our struggle to incorporate memory without being swallowed up by it. Finally Rivkah offers us a model of menschlekite and consideration. For our daughters, Rivkah offers a role model of a strong, independent woman who can still be part of something bigger than just herself; she can be part of a family and she can be part of a covenant.

Peace,
Rav Yitz